Shower me with blessings. No second-guessing.
‘Cause God, herself, is sitting on the edge of my
bed, slowly undressing. A night symbolic as the
resurrection. I’m about to slide up in the kingdom
of God with no protection.

And I can guarantee a second coming. ‘Cause I
already hear the drummer boy barumpumpum
pumming. A host of angels look at me through
your eyes. My first communion with my hands
on your thighs. You’re catching the spirit, the Holy
Ghost and the fire. Yo, this is wild.

I’m every Jay-Z album played in reverse. I’m
risen from blunt ash and stashed in a purse.
I’m smuggled over borders, contraband, ‘though
I rock. I paper. I scissor. Nah, NGH, no Glock.

- Saul Williams
The Dead Emcee Scrolls: The Lost Teachings of Hip-Hop

I realize it’s damn near two weeks late, but the second installment of Radio Elite is now available for download right here.

Having said that,

• Why do people believe the strangest things? Michael Shermer has a few ideas.
• I need a late pass for this one: scientists (at Stemagen) have successfully created the first cloned human embryo from skin cells. “Humans should not be playing god,” you say? Why, dear thinking primates, god has been playing humans for so long! Let’s flip the script and fuck around a little bit … give the “almighty” a nice little existential crisis.
• Commodes are meant to be sat on in the right direction. If you sit at a 90-degree angle, you’ll be unpleasantly surprised by a doo-doo bridge between your sphincter and the porcelain, in an ungodly tug-o-war. Unnecessary information, I know. But I’m perfect, and you’re not. Deal with it.
• Pretty intense: the impossible art of Li Wei
• A friend just asked me:
  

  the only sound advice i need now is … navigating the fine line between muffling her screams of exctasy with a pillow … and accidentally discovering you’re into necrophilia. how do i get rid of the body dude?

• I’ve ranted about cheetos in the past. And today, someone sends me a link for Random Acts of Cheetos. Unbridled hilarity of epic proportions.

That’s it. If you need me, I’ll be in the Beyond section at Bed, Bath & Beyond, licking furniture and smelling colors to improve my synesthesia.

Guten tag! I am officially rendered speechless by this. From Mayor Adrian Fenty’s office:

The Neighborhood Safety Zone initiative has been developed to help increase security for those who live in high-crime areas around the city and to help residents reclaim their communities. The program will authorize the Metropolitan Police Department to set up public safety checks to help safeguard community members and create safer neighborhoods in the District by increasing police presence aimed at deterring crime.

The safety zones will be established only upon request by a District Commander where there is evidence to support the existence of neighborhood violent crime, such as intelligence, violent crime data, police reports and feedback and concerns from the affected community.

Potential Neighborhood Safety Zones must be approved by the Chief of Police, and will be in effect for a maximum of 10 days. Public safety checks will be established along the main thoroughfares of the established neighborhoods. Anyone driving into a designated area may be asked to show valid identification with a home address in that neighborhood, or to provide an explanation for entering the NSZ, such as attending church, a doctor’s appointment or visiting friends or relatives. Pedestrians will not be subject to the public safety checks.

“The Neighborhood Safety Zones is just another tool MPD will employ to stop crime before it happens. The Neighborhood Safety Zone initiative will help residents terrorized by violent crime to take back their neighborhoods,” said Chief Lanier.

Initiatives such as the Neighborhood Safety Zones have been accepted by federal courts as a legitimate law enforcement practice in keeping with the Constitution’s Fourth Amendment. The constitutionality of the NSZ initiative has been reviewed by the D.C. Office of the Attorney General.

The NSZ will be launched next week in the Trinidad area. [source]

Great! Yay Police State! SEAL OFF THE POOR NIGGERS! What’s next? Arm bands? Papers? Schwartzwitz?

(more…)

Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing at all.

USA TODAY says: Nobel Peace Prize winner and international symbol of freedom Nelson Mandela is flagged on U.S. terrorist watch lists and needs special permission to visit the USA. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice calls the situation “embarrassing,” and some members of Congress vow to fix it.

“Embarassing?” Really, Condi? That’s the best you can come up with?

(more…)

What the hell are cheetos made of? Really. Does anyone know? It’s just these neurotic looking fragile structures covered in yellow cheese fart. Besides, no two cheetos look exactly the same! If that’s not scary enough, I don’t know what is. Did the god of cheetos create them? Little Adam and eve cheetos populating the cheeto planet.

Then to make matters worse, the ingredients box lists the following after a lengthy confessional of esoteric chemical compounds:

- artificial coloring (yellow #6)

Wtf is that? A home depot color palette? On my food?

And then cheeto god sent his baby cheeto son Jesus (was he really yellow?) to save cheetomanity …

Here I come, cheeto hell!