Number 1. Number 2. And number 1. 94 times! 200-something times! John McCain did too! 10 billion dollars! 8 years. 8 years. 8 years. Bushes. Bushes. Bushes. McCain. Bushes. Also, can I call you Joe? Betcha by golly gosh darnit. Number 1. Number 2. Maverick. Maverick. Maverick. CHANGE! Maverick. Maverick. Maverick. Real Change. Deregulation. 5,000! 250,000! 1 million! 10 billion! Trillions! 8 years. Also! And but also. You betcha. Environment. Cyclical temperature changes.

(wait, did she just blame the global warming on the changing of seasons?)

Environment. Man. Activity. Warming. Measures, measures, measures. Bushes. Number 1. Number 2.  Barack. John. Barack. John. MORE vice-presidential power for one, please. Bad jokes that nobody got. More. Less. More. Less. Change! Maverick! No child left behind, with some flexibilities!

(err … that implies some children left behind?)

Surge. Pre-surge. Petraeus. McClelland. Kissinger. Timeline. Timeline. Pull-out! Surge. Pull-out! Surge. Pull-out! Number 1. Number 2. Charactercriatceritization. Newkiller. Old killer. Change! Maverick!

We have gay friends. But we hate them, really. But we love them. I love John McCain, bless his soul But he’s dead wrong. Surrender! White flag! Pull-out! Number 1. Number 2.

*crickets*

NO WAIT! Environment. Big oil. Exxon. Big oil. Tax cuts. Big oil. Health. Health. Health. Insurance. The middle class. The wealthy. The middle class. The wealthy. Wealth redistribution. I’m a single mother, too!

*sob. sniff. *

Number 1. Number 2. Change! Maverick! Change! Maverick! Ice Man! Top Gun?

WHAT. THE. FUCK!?

Sarah Palin and The Rape Kits: Nice name for a punk band …

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Why, oh why, is Chuck Norris’ opinion even entertained on Larry King? WHY? A left-over action hero from 70s/80s B-movies and 2am infomercials for exercise machines … that’s the guy who suddenly has a valid political opinion?

But it’s lovely how Arianna made him her own personal bitch.

That’s not the end of it, either. Chuck Moron has even written a book: Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America.

And Jesus wept.

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Let me get this straight: after months of mocking Obama’s hope/change rhetoric, Karl Rove’s little geriatric pet comes out on stage tonight and yelps about change and unity and hope? McCain used to be boring … with “more experience.” Now he got a rookie MILF next to him, and all of a sudden, these Republicunts are all in gasping for air, throwing their hands up in the air, catching a hissy fit about how McCain/Palin are the biggest mavericks since … err … Top Gun?! What the fuck is going on?  “Change is coming”? For real, Johnny boy? Honestly, the look on your face sort of made it look like even you couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of your mouth!

Obama went from galvanizing grandeur to addressing actual issues and policies … albeit by catapulting himself much farther to the right than what most Obama supports were initially comfortable with. There’s a lot of icky stuff with Obama that I still need to get off my chest … but I’ll get to that at a later time.

Inversely, McCain went from a PTSD-inflicted lump of wrinkles on the brink of death (by old age and bizarre skin peelage), flag-waving, mini-Bush … to … hm … some sort of agent of change? Wait … is he feminist now? If memory serves me right, he snapped at his wife and called her a “trollop” … and a “cunt.”

But now he’s a maverick! A feminist maverick! And so is Palin, who suddenly has “executive experience” and happens to be really good at “standing up.” And they both want in on this whole change phenomenon, damn it. He went from boring Bush-era policy wonk to … oratorial antics? And what’s up with the very undignified and unpresidential stiff-twitch geriatric spasm thing he does? Johnny Mac’s been sipping on some of Cindy’s botox? Yes? No? Maybe?

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(if you have any problems with the audio in this video, try using Internet Explorer instead)

It’s official: my sources for credible news reporting are now limited to Matt Taibbi (of Rolling Stone Magazine), Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert. And, it’s not exactly news that I would vote for Obama … if I could (Ah, sweet sweet INS!). But the lack of objective journalism is pretty revolting. Mainstream media, for all intents and purposes, will wrap its blabbering lips around the nutsacks of either David Axelrod, or Karl Rove … whomever one leaked a press release about having a fresh waxing done that week.  And no, I’m not necessarily putting those two maneuveristas on an even scale of evil … I’m sure Rove lubes up for Lucifer himself every night and actually enjoys it … but that’s a whole other ballgame. I could keep going with the juvenile wordplay, trust me. But, moving on …

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I’m still uncertain what to make of this picture, but it’s definitely going down as one of Bush’s memorable photo-ops. Here is Dumbya, being offered by Misty-Mae Treanor to smack that. Apparently, all he resorted to was a restrained tap on the small of her back. Now, Clinton, may have had a full-blown (no pun intended) threesome with the team, but that’s just my opinion.

Moving on, at what point during the last few days did this warmongering president actually work up the nerves to speak out against Russian aggression? It all looks like an infantile little tantrum he’s throwing, because those “pink commie Ruskis” are stealing his battleground thunder. The hypocrisy is amusing. The current circumstances of the Georgian-Russian conflict over South Ossetia, however, not all that much. Here’s a historical timeline, for the sake of context.

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