Let me get this straight: after months of mocking Obama’s hope/change rhetoric, Karl Rove’s little geriatric pet comes out on stage tonight and yelps about change and unity and hope? McCain used to be boring … with “more experience.” Now he got a rookie MILF next to him, and all of a sudden, these Republicunts are all in gasping for air, throwing their hands up in the air, catching a hissy fit about how McCain/Palin are the biggest mavericks since … err … Top Gun?! What the fuck is going on?  “Change is coming”? For real, Johnny boy? Honestly, the look on your face sort of made it look like even you couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of your mouth!

Obama went from galvanizing grandeur to addressing actual issues and policies … albeit by catapulting himself much farther to the right than what most Obama supports were initially comfortable with. There’s a lot of icky stuff with Obama that I still need to get off my chest … but I’ll get to that at a later time.

Inversely, McCain went from a PTSD-inflicted lump of wrinkles on the brink of death (by old age and bizarre skin peelage), flag-waving, mini-Bush … to … hm … some sort of agent of change? Wait … is he feminist now? If memory serves me right, he snapped at his wife and called her a “trollop” … and a “cunt.”

But now he’s a maverick! A feminist maverick! And so is Palin, who suddenly has “executive experience” and happens to be really good at “standing up.” And they both want in on this whole change phenomenon, damn it. He went from boring Bush-era policy wonk to … oratorial antics? And what’s up with the very undignified and unpresidential stiff-twitch geriatric spasm thing he does? Johnny Mac’s been sipping on some of Cindy’s botox? Yes? No? Maybe?

And they really closed out the convention with potpourri and … *druroll* … yup, Earth Wind & Fire’s “September.” Nice touch. In an eerie kinda way. Maybe he wants to be Obama when he grows up.

Regardless, I’m still not sure whose strategy is better. Though, I have to admit, the American who suddenly buys the “change” bullshit from McCain’s little red corner must be at least as retarded as Li’l Trig.

Speaking of which, do Americans really need to know the mental capacity of Sarah Palin’s kid? Or are they trying to get the retarded votes? Or the votes of parents with retarded kids?

Really? Is that what it’s all come down to? Retarded swing votes? Observe the scenario:

Father: Oh, honey, look. Sarah Palin’s kid is just as retarded as ours. Hey, Junior! Stop that; you’re too old to be playing with Mommy’s nipples! But yeah, honey, listen. Maybe this McCain guy isn’t so bad. Screw it, honey, I’m voting Republican this time. Besides, Obama’s just another black man begging for change. This old guy here looks like he means it. He shook a little when he said it. He may have even had a mini-coronary. Besides, Sarah is hot!

Junior: Me’ve never played with my peepee while looking at a V.P. befo’ …

Mother: And neither has your father, sweetheart.

Father: Good golly gosh darn it, honey! You’re absolutely right! It’s just mostly been Jenna Jameson … or the occasional Janet Jacme.

Junior: Is that Michael’s sister?

Father [pensively]: Who knows, son. Who knows!

Yeah … I think that’s my cue for some shut-eye.

OK, I’m lying, maybe I’ll google up some pics of Li’l Trig just to check if looking at a retarded little baby could potentially swing votes.

And then, I might look up pictures of Jenna.

Addendum 1: Err … Trig … Trig? Is that short for Trigonometry? Some sort of bizzarre inside family joke cuz the kid is a hypotenuse short of being a complete triangle?  Didn’t mean to go off on a tangent, but the sines are definitely there.

Addendum 2: McCain was endorsed by Daddy Yankee? This just keeps getting better! (big ups, Merhawi, for the heads up on this absurdity)