Carlin’s irreverent, hilarious, and poignant takes on religion, war, language, drugs, obscenity, and politics will remain timeless and relevant. Spanning a career of 50 years, this “counter-culture hero” has cultivated a whole generation of secular and independent thinkers, and his “Seven Words” routine went as far as the Supreme Court, where a 5-4 decision asserted the government’s right to censor and regulate the rants of Carlin during public performances. That was in 1978. He took what Lenny Bruce did on stage and put it on steroids, as a more menacing and yet hilarious diatribe on all the silly and illogical structures that seem to dictate the way our species functions.

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I realize it’s damn near two weeks late, but the second installment of Radio Elite is now available for download right here.

Having said that,

• Why do people believe the strangest things? Michael Shermer has a few ideas.
• I need a late pass for this one: scientists (at Stemagen) have successfully created the first cloned human embryo from skin cells. “Humans should not be playing god,” you say? Why, dear thinking primates, god has been playing humans for so long! Let’s flip the script and fuck around a little bit … give the “almighty” a nice little existential crisis.
• Commodes are meant to be sat on in the right direction. If you sit at a 90-degree angle, you’ll be unpleasantly surprised by a doo-doo bridge between your sphincter and the porcelain, in an ungodly tug-o-war. Unnecessary information, I know. But I’m perfect, and you’re not. Deal with it.
• Pretty intense: the impossible art of Li Wei
• A friend just asked me:
  

  the only sound advice i need now is … navigating the fine line between muffling her screams of exctasy with a pillow … and accidentally discovering you’re into necrophilia. how do i get rid of the body dude?

• I’ve ranted about cheetos in the past. And today, someone sends me a link for Random Acts of Cheetos. Unbridled hilarity of epic proportions.

That’s it. If you need me, I’ll be in the Beyond section at Bed, Bath & Beyond, licking furniture and smelling colors to improve my synesthesia.

Guten tag! I am officially rendered speechless by this. From Mayor Adrian Fenty’s office:

The Neighborhood Safety Zone initiative has been developed to help increase security for those who live in high-crime areas around the city and to help residents reclaim their communities. The program will authorize the Metropolitan Police Department to set up public safety checks to help safeguard community members and create safer neighborhoods in the District by increasing police presence aimed at deterring crime.

The safety zones will be established only upon request by a District Commander where there is evidence to support the existence of neighborhood violent crime, such as intelligence, violent crime data, police reports and feedback and concerns from the affected community.

Potential Neighborhood Safety Zones must be approved by the Chief of Police, and will be in effect for a maximum of 10 days. Public safety checks will be established along the main thoroughfares of the established neighborhoods. Anyone driving into a designated area may be asked to show valid identification with a home address in that neighborhood, or to provide an explanation for entering the NSZ, such as attending church, a doctor’s appointment or visiting friends or relatives. Pedestrians will not be subject to the public safety checks.

“The Neighborhood Safety Zones is just another tool MPD will employ to stop crime before it happens. The Neighborhood Safety Zone initiative will help residents terrorized by violent crime to take back their neighborhoods,” said Chief Lanier.

Initiatives such as the Neighborhood Safety Zones have been accepted by federal courts as a legitimate law enforcement practice in keeping with the Constitution’s Fourth Amendment. The constitutionality of the NSZ initiative has been reviewed by the D.C. Office of the Attorney General.

The NSZ will be launched next week in the Trinidad area. [source]

Great! Yay Police State! SEAL OFF THE POOR NIGGERS! What’s next? Arm bands? Papers? Schwartzwitz?

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Parent company UGOBE is behind Pleo, a lifelike Camarasaurus robot that displays distinct emotional and developmental behaviors. Pleos weigh about 3.5 pounds and measure 21 inches from head to tail, and are retailing for $349 at UGOBE.com. The Pleo is full of infrared and motion sensors that detect how the Pleo is being interacted with, and speakers to help the robot make its emotions known. In addition to getting a Pleo, owners can also host a plog on Pleoworld that details an owner and Pleo’s times together. [source: TechCrunch]

Check out the company’s 60-second pitch …

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I don’t like it one bit. It makes me nervous. Optimism makes me nervous. Cynicism has sort of been a comfortable distance from which to watch and mock this planetary mishmash of haphazard shenanigans. It affords me the assholishness that understands that nothing is really sacred, while simultaneously enjoying my self-imposed higher ground of pretending like I’m simply just a visitor on Earth. That I’m really not originally from this foolishness-ridden planet. This begs for clever puns on “resident alien.”

What I’m saying in a nutshell: I was watching Obama’s victory speech on Tuesday with a few friends, and lo and behold: I had to confront the fact that, goddamnit!, tears were welling up in my eyes. Was it because this man’s message of hope and change really has a chance of delivering the goods if he gets in the White House? Or is it because a little 4 year old black kid somewhere can now confidently say “I want to be President” without any derisive chuckles from peers? Maybe it was sheer joy at seeing Hillary get crushed. I wouldn’t trust that woman enough to lend her $10, much less run a whole country. Maybe it was just an amalgamate of a whole shopping list of items that I’ve wanted, but never thought would get around to getting. Regardless, I wasn’t the only one publicly reduced to tears on the evening of June 3rd.

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