What the hell are cheetos made of? Really. Does anyone know? It’s just these neurotic looking fragile structures covered in yellow cheese fart. Besides, no two cheetos look exactly the same! If that’s not scary enough, I don’t know what is. Did the god of cheetos create them? Little Adam and eve cheetos populating the cheeto planet.

Then to make matters worse, the ingredients box lists the following after a lengthy confessional of esoteric chemical compounds:

- artificial coloring (yellow #6)

Wtf is that? A home depot color palette? On my food?

And then cheeto god sent his baby cheeto son Jesus (was he really yellow?) to save cheetomanity …

Here I come, cheeto hell!